How depressing is this? An article on joblessness imposing hibernation on singles, who cannot afford to date.
(Story, Can’t Buy Me Love http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/relationships/articles/2009/01/24/cant_buy_me_love/)
Yes, dating is expensive. And I will not make light of someone who watches each and every dollar and chooses to refrain from going out. But I do not like the psychology within the article that suggests an unemployed person is unworthy. That is a distorted and unnecessary view. Certainly I can understand the frustration of unemployment, I have been there and, who knows, perhaps soon I will be there again. But we are supposed to know who we are. Our job is not our identity. Very few people in this world love their jobs, those who do are blessed and in the minority. A loss of income and occupation can certainly institute a lack of purpose, but we need to rise above that and be who we are beyond our occupations. If you exercise, perhaps you go to a gym or attend fitness classes, you can meet people there. If you are a reader you may go to a library, you can meet people there. If you drink coffee you may go to a coffee shop, you can meet people there. If you want to meet someone and don’t have money, get involved with a cause and volunteer. We need to be open to meeting people at any time. It is difficult, daunting, and overwhelming, but we need to try to rise above that. We cannot be consumed by worthlessness, and being without a job does not make you less of person. Certainly it may feel that way, and some may treat you that way, but those who do are worthless themselves. Be true to yourself and understand that your job does not define you. A lack of income may limit your lifestyle, but does not limit your value. Open your mind and embrace the world, there is no cost for imagination.
Money is not an indicator of value. Yes, we all want more money, I do too. But look at the greed that is taking our country down into a death spiral. People like John Thain, Jeffrey Skilling, Dennis Kozlowski, Bernie Madoff, who have choked the incomes of millions by pursuing their own relentless avarice. For each one of those deplorable men, there are hundreds arround them, approving their salaries and bonuses, or working for them and straining to reach their level. That is why our industries are drying up, because they infected with a staggering gluttony of greed that has permeated all levels of our society. This corruption has become our corruptor. We need to set ourselves free.
And just for measure, some personal experience. I have had the pleasure of being dumped by my girlfriend of three years while unemployed. At a time when I needed support, she walked out the door never to return. I was heartbroken and devastated. It took me a significant amount of time to rise out of that depression, but I did rise out of it; before I had another job or another girlfriend. As the saying goes, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. In that experience, I learned more about my own value and my ex-paramour’s lack thereof. The love I had believed in was largely an illusion. Certainly not at the beginning but, on her end, well before my job disappeared. Illusion, delusion. That is something we need to learn through each and every relationship, as well as the time between.
Ultimately we need to know who we, ourselves, are. That is the true path to happiness. Togetherness can be an illusion. You can be with someone without really sharing anything true. And some may choose that over being alone, but that is more of an avoidance of self discovery and understanding. Just as we should not define ourselves by our jobs, we should not define ourselves by being in a couple versus being single. There are a great number of unhappy couples out there, which is easy to forget when you are not with someone. But do not nurse your wishes, because simply finding “someone” does not create happiness. It is finding the right one. And that cannot happen until you know who you are, which can take a lifetime. It has for me.
